I had an appointment with my dentist yesterday.
I’ve been going to this dentist for 6 or 7 years now, and I’ve never had any complaints about him. Other than the fact that he has fingers like hot dogs, and can be a bit rough when he’s rooting around in there, he’s nevertheless a pleasant and seemingly knowledgeable person. He’s an older guy, with a rich and deep, Russian-accented voice; very soothing when listening to him speak.
Until, that is, I was there for my last visit. I was lying in the reclining chair and had just had all sorts of metal implements, cotton swabs and rubber blocks wedged into my gob, ready for some work to begin. A young female assistant was at my side, as was my dentist, and we could all hear on the radio some news about a recent fundraising campaign to help women victims of domestic abuse. A great cause, one would think!
As I was lying there with my jaws wide open and mouth disabled, my dentist said “Domestic violence. Do you know what would stop domestic violence? Women should not leave the home and go to work, that’s what would stop domestic violence.”
At this point I blinked a few times and thought Okay, I must be hearing things. Maybe his accent is just too thick for me.
But no, it wasn’t anything to do with the way he was enunciating, because he continued: “Women should stay at home and look after the house. They should be at home with the children, raising them and making sure food is ready on the table for when the man comes home from work! They shouldn’t be leaving the home, leaving their kids with strangers or in these daycare things! They should be at home, which is the natural way of doing things. Then the man wouldn’t feel so threatened and insecure if his wife is at home!”
I could feel the blood rushing into my face and I glanced nervously at the dental assistant, who had this quizzical, unbelieving look on her own face and who said “No, Dr. X, that’s not right! Women should be able to go out and work and earn money just as much as the man should!” To which, he replied: “That doesn’t work, that’s why we get so much domestic violence, because women leave the home to go work. At the very least, if a woman does go out to work she should not be paid the same as a man! This is what happens, when a woman earns more than her husband, he starts to feel hurt and angry and then he takes it out on her and that’s when he could hit her! No, all these politically correct people have got it all wrong. It should not be that way!”
I grunt something incomprehensible here, as I try to swallow bile, and then there’s an uncomfortable silence (at least for me and the assistant) as Dr. X continues to poke his latex-gloved hands in my mouth, and I’m trying to rein in the urge to bite down hard on the rubber stops jammed into my jaws.
The session then carries on in silence for a few minutes, until my dentist starts talking pleasantly about the work he’s almost completed in my mouth and what I’m allowed to eat and drink in the next hour or so, before he finishes off what he’s doing and walks out, leaving the remainder of the cleaning to his assistant.
I’m feeling a bit shell-shocked at this point and am looking at the assistant, who won’t meet my gaze, and who finally tells me to go to the receptionist and pay for the dental work. Which I do, but with a kind of surreal feeling, as if I still can’t believe what I’ve just heard.
From a professional, an educated professional!
So, I pay and leave without saying anything to my dentist, who was by then consulting with another client anyway.
I felt bad for the rest of the day, as if I’d witnessed some kind of raw, hateful, mean misogyny and chauvinism at work in someone I used to respect; which is exactly what I did witness, I guess.
But most of all, I felt bad for the assistant. What kind of message was that for her to hear? And from her employer no less! If she’s not already in a relationship with a guy, should she expect to give up her career when she finally does meet someone she’d like to have a long term relationship with? What if she’s already in a relationship? Does this mean her employer thinks less of her for coming to the office, instead of staying at home where she belongs?
Anyway, I guess the outcome of this story is that I’m now on the lookout for a new dentist—hopefully, she’ll be way more enlightened than my previous one.